Monday, March 26, 2012

Relationship Types

(From etsy store Fifi du Vie)

Would you describe your relationship as 'sustainable'?

Presumably since you are either planning a wedding or are married, you'd say YES. I would answer the same. But a quiz in the NY Times about sustainable marriages (based on true research, no less) abruptly told me that in fact, no, the Pin Cushions do not currently have a sustainable relationship.

The interesting NY Times article from 2010 states, "research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship." In other words, does your partner increase your chance of trying new things, learning new skills and being adventurers?

When I think about that question, I would say that no, Mr. Pin Cushion and I are not galavanting around doing new things every weekend, learning karate and Thai cooking. But I do think that grocery shopping and going to the laundromat are way more fun when I'm with Mr. PC.

I was struck with the sentiment of a statement in the book American Wife that I read a while back:

What greater happiness is there than the privilege of being bored together?

This is more in line with the Pin Cushion relationship. Not that we are always bored together, but when I am bored, I'm happy to be bored with him. To feel comfortable enough to just stare into space with each other, or spend hours reading side by side, or doing whatever is part of your daily life and being thrilled with it, to me, that demonstrates a sustainable relationship.

Take the quiz to find out your 'sustainability' here, or answer the questions below.
Instructions: On a scale of 1 (not very much) to 7 (very much), how would you answer each question?

1. How much does being with your partner result in having new experiences?
2. When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of things because of him or her?
3. How much does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things?
4. How much does your partner help to expand your sense of the kind of person you are?
5. How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?
6. How much do your partner's strengths as a person (skills, abilities, etc) compensate for some of your own weaknesses as a person?
7. How much do you believe that you have a larger perspective on things because of your partner?
8. How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things?
9. How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?
10. How much does your partner increase your knowledge?

The scores can be explained in the quiz link, but in short, if you are below 45, you have a low connection. 45 to 60 is moderately exciting. And above 60 is highly expansive.

Mr. Pin Cushion's answers gave our relationship a 45 - that means we are barely moderately exciting (His answers: 6 2 5 4 2 6 5 3 7 5 = 45). My answers ranked us with a 43, meaning we have a low connection!! (My answers: 4 3 6 4 2 5 2 4 7 6 = 43).

Well that's just embarrassing!

What was your score? Would you say that your relationship is based on being "adventurers"? Or are you comfortable and happy in your daily routine with your partner?

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