Stuck on You: First Sob, I Mean, First Look

Mr. Pin Cushion and I chose to do a first look because:

1) we would have had nervous break-downs going nearly all day without seeing each other; and

2) we had things to do before the ceremony that we couldn't have done had we needed a blinder set up between us the whole time.

Well, it turns out that while I might have prevented a nervous break-down, the first look did lead me to have a crying break-down.

It seemed that initially I would be able to hold it together. I started walking towards Mr. PC. . .

But as I drew near, I was so overcome with emotions that I started to cry. Not sweet, trickling tears. These were overwhelming, gasping for breath type sobs. I was making such funny noises that my poor fiance had to turn around to see if I needed some sort of medical assistance.

He probably was thinking, "Dear God! I'm marrying a crying fool!" Also going through his head, "What has happened to my fiance's arm. It looks like a broken chicken leg."
(And just to clarify, that photo is of me crying. Not laughing.)

The crying just would not stop

.

His smirk is saying, "This is so typical!"

Hug me, you fool, before I lose all of my water stores.

It is amazing how easy it is to forget that you are being watched and photographed when you are so overcome with emotion. My brain was short circuiting on happiness and excitement and nervousness, there was no room to think about being self-conscious or embarrassed about the fact that I was not able to control my emotions.

My blubbering turned into maniacal laughter. . .


. . . and then into my I'm-so-happy-my-gums-are-showing smile.


And I couldn't help hitting the ubiquitous first-look pose. It seems to say, "Admire my tear soaked dress. Check out my running make up. Soak it all in!"

With each hug I got from Mr. PC, my tightly wound stomach began to relax a bit more. My crying-turned-laughing breakdown subsided and I was able to revel in the moment, and appreciate that today was our wedding day.

Little did I know, we were not the only ones reveling in the moment. Our sneaky bridal party had gathered in my parents' dining room, and was peering through the window, watching us the whole time!

Are you doing a first look? I hope you enjoy the moment as Mr. PC and I did!

All photos taken by the fabulous Steep Street Photography

Pin Cushion Flashback:

The gals hit up the salon. Then the gang gets dressed.

Stuck on You: Wedding Dressing

The writing of the vows continued when I got home from the salon . . .

I'm pretty sure that everyone around me, if they hadn't already thought so, began to think I was a little wacky. I was kneeling in my high school bedroom, power writing vows that should have been written weeks ago. Thankfully, at this point, I just needed to copy my chicken scratch into legible vows I could read at the altar.

My photography, Kelty, took my scribbling as a sign to leave me alone and go take some detail shots.

(My ring's Weddingbee debut!)


My grandmother's pearl necklace that I wore for my wedding day.


My wedding day shoes. Vivienne Westwood. Cute. Sweaty. Plastic-y smelling.

Here's a dilemma that I think most brides deal with: how do you put on your wedding dress without showing your undies to your photographer, your bridesmaids and your mom?

I chose the method of: put on your undies and bra (or very sticky Nu-Bra if you're me) in the bathroom, then giggle like mad as you realize you are basically nude and your dress is very much not within reach.

Oh my. I think the ladies in that room got a bit of a shock when I stepped out from behind the door. Ta-da! I am grateful that there are no pictures of either their faces nor my Nu-bra'ed body.

I made a beeline to my dress and gave my mom a look that conveyed, "Please zip me up and help your poor, nearly nude daughter get out of this debacle!"

My dear friends are still speechless at seeing more of Pin Cushion than they signed up for.




My hoop skirts get their 30 seconds of fame.

The men (Mr. Pin Cushion and his best man) got ready downstairs. And by that, I mean in the backyard. I am not sure exactly how they ended up there.

I know that look. Mr. PC is saying, "Uh . . . so how does this thing work?" That question has led him to single handedly add 123 hits to the YouTube instructional video "How to Tie A Tie".

And when a tie needs tying and there is no YouTube in sight? Call in the ladies. Mr. Pin Cushion's two sisters gave him a hand (4 hands, actually).

How will you (or how did you) deal with getting into your wedding dress? Buck up and show everyone the goods? Have all those present avert their eyes? Slip into your dress in the privacy of a bathroom? (If only I had known the answer to how to do this before my wedding, I could have saved my bridesmaids' eyeballs [or at least warned them in advance].)

All photos by the fabulous Steep Street Photography

Pin Cushion Flashback:

The gals hit up the salon.

Stuck on You: Salon Time

After staying up much too late the night before (vow writing, cookie baking, itunes playlist composing), I woke up on the morning of the wedding with a knot in my stomach. I was a ball of nerves. It felt like the precious (awful) minutes before a big test, where you just want the test to begin because you know you'll feel better once it does.

I drove to meet my bridesmaids (and a groomswoman) at the salon in the morning. But with bridal brain in full force, I forgot to get directions. And I got lost. Even though I'd been to the salon before. After a frantic phone call, more than one U-turn and some emotional tears (if you'd like to start counting, that's cry #1 for the day), I finally arrived at the salon.

My hair and make-up maven (Sara Purtscher at Tranquille) got right to work.

My reflection looks pleased. I had a case of bouffant-induced giggles. It looked like my brain had increased in size by 400 IQ points. Sara, the stylist, assured me it would settle down with time.

While my 'maids got their hair done, I hopped right over into the make-up chair. It was so nice to just sit back relax. Plus, getting your make up done feels a bit like a face massage.

It was nice to have my ladies looking on and supporting me. With words, but more importantly, with delicious muffins and champagne (just kidding. Mostly.)

While most of the salon experience was relaxing, I unfortunately was devoting 6% of my brain to a less-than-relaxing matter: finishing my vows. These things would just not go away!

With a little bit of liquid courage (mimosas), and my cheat sheet (notes I had written about Mr. Pin Cushion while I was living in DC [in case I needed reminders of why I loved him while we were long distance, which thankfully I didn't need]), I was able to nearly finish my vows.

How do you expect to feel on the morning of your wedding? Nervous? Excited? Like you might puke a little bit? Super stressed about finishing your vows (don't be like me, finish yours early [at least the night before!])?

All photos by the fabulous Steep Street Photography

Stuck on You: Inspiration Vs Reality

It's showdown time!

In one corner, it's "The OG": Original Pin Cushion Inspiration Board!

And battling it out in the other corner is "Reality Bites": Real Pin Cushion Wedding Board!

First up, OG (created 3 years ago, in the Mesolithic era, via Style Me Pretty):

{Sources available from original inspiration board post}

Next up, to woo you is Reality Bites (created via Project Wedding with our very own wedding photos):

{All shots from Steep Street Photography}

Now, as a totally partial judge (nobody could get more partial than me, the bride), I would say it's a WIN. As in, our wedding photos pretty much hit the colors and vibe of our OG inspiration board.

What do you think Hive, did the Pin Cushion wedding board live up to the inspiration board? Are you using an inspiration board to guide your wedding decisions?

Relationships: Sharing

A while back, I heard an interview with the author Joyce Carol Oates on my local NPR radio station. Afterwards, I couldn't stop thinking about her take on sharing her feelings with her spouse.

A snippet of the interview (full interview available here):

Joyce: He would be helpful if I needed help, but I would not come to him with problems that would upset him. If I got a terrible review . . . I would never tell him about it. . . I don't believe in upsetting people, unless I really, really had to.

NPR: But then you're upset and don't you at least want to get some commiseration?

Joyce: No. No. No, I don't think it works that way. If I had gotten a devastating review or something terrible had happened to me and I went to (my husband) he would be sympathetic, but then he'd be upset. And then he'd feel like he'd need to talk to me about it.

NPR: So you want to protect him from getting upset?

Joyce: Yeah. And then you talk about it for an hour. Whereas when you're all alone, you might have forgotten about it in five minutes. As soon as you share something with somebody, it's gonna come back, someone will always bring it up, or you'll remember it together. Better to move on and forget about these things.

This is such a foreign idea to me. Perhaps I am an over-sharer, but I can't imagine having a crappy day or having something happen to me, either good or bad, and no sharing that with my partner. Not sharing how your feeling seems to take the whole "we're a team", "we're in this together" concept out of a relationship. And really, that's the best part about a relationship! Knowing you have someone to commiserate with, someone to talk over what happened and figure out what to do, that's what's so great about being married!

Am I the strange one? Or is Joyce Carol Oates? Am I wrong in thinking that most people in a relationship share everything? Well, nearly everything.

What is your relationship sharing like?

1) I agree with Mrs. Pin Cushion. Me and my partner are big sharers. Sharing is caring.

2) I agree with Joyce Carol Oates. There is no need to share everything, some things are better kept to myself.

Relationships: Arguing

[From More New Math]

I wanted to talk about something that I normally only talk about with close friends who are in relationships. Arguing. I usually reserve this for partnered-up friends because at least that way I know that they have fights (well, at least I assume they have fights), and thus, will not judge me.

Mr. Pin Cushion and I don't fight very often. But when we do, it makes up for lost time. We are BAD at fighting. As in, it is very hard for us to get over our fights. One argument turns into another and we usually tire ourselves out and give in without ever actually coming to a true solution (which also might have to do with the fact that after fighting for days, we can't even remember what we started fighting about).

Also, we yell (as I mentioned in the Relationship Behaviors post). Most people who know me in 'real life' say that they are surprised to learn that I yell. But in the heat of the arguing, I usually am so angry that I can't contain it, or express my emotions with a quiet or calm voice. I might have a rage problem. My face gets hot, my chest gets tight. Scary. Also, I swear. Which I do NOT do any other time.

Do you and your partner fight "well", or do you fight "bad"? Do you yell or swear? What are your secrets to having good, productive fight? I would REALLY love to know. Books? Counseling?

Relationship Types

(From etsy store Fifi du Vie)

Would you describe your relationship as 'sustainable'?

Presumably since you are either planning a wedding or are married, you'd say YES. I would answer the same. But a quiz in the NY Times about sustainable marriages (based on true research, no less) abruptly told me that in fact, no, the Pin Cushions do not currently have a sustainable relationship.

The interesting NY Times article from 2010 states, "research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship." In other words, does your partner increase your chance of trying new things, learning new skills and being adventurers?

When I think about that question, I would say that no, Mr. Pin Cushion and I are not galavanting around doing new things every weekend, learning karate and Thai cooking. But I do think that grocery shopping and going to the laundromat are way more fun when I'm with Mr. PC.

I was struck with the sentiment of a statement in the book American Wife that I read a while back:

What greater happiness is there than the privilege of being bored together?

This is more in line with the Pin Cushion relationship. Not that we are always bored together, but when I am bored, I'm happy to be bored with him. To feel comfortable enough to just stare into space with each other, or spend hours reading side by side, or doing whatever is part of your daily life and being thrilled with it, to me, that demonstrates a sustainable relationship.

Take the quiz to find out your 'sustainability' here, or answer the questions below.

Instructions: On a scale of 1 (not very much) to 7 (very much), how would you answer each question?

1. How much does being with your partner result in having new experiences?

2. When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of things because of him or her?

3. How much does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things?

4. How much does your partner help to expand your sense of the kind of person you are?

5. How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?

6. How much do your partner's strengths as a person (skills, abilities, etc) compensate for some of your own weaknesses as a person?

7. How much do you believe that you have a larger perspective on things because of your partner?

8. How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things?

9. How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?

10. How much does your partner increase your knowledge?

The scores can be explained in the quiz link, but in short, if you are below 45, you have a low connection. 45 to 60 is moderately exciting. And above 60 is highly expansive.

Mr. Pin Cushion's answers gave our relationship a 45 - that means we are barely moderately exciting (His answers: 6 2 5 4 2 6 5 3 7 5 = 45). My answers ranked us with a 43, meaning we have a low connection!! (My answers: 4 3 6 4 2 5 2 4 7 6 = 43).

Well that's just embarrassing!

What was your score? Would you say that your relationship is based on being "adventurers"? Or are you comfortable and happy in your daily routine with your partner?

Relationships: In Movies

I'm a member of the Facebook group, "Everything I know about relationships I learned from romantic comedies." And sadly, that statement is probably more true than I would like to admit. And it actually caused some problems early on in the Pin Cushion relationship. Expectations were not always fair, or based on reality.

But can you blame me? (yes, you can.) Relationships in most movies, not just romantic comedies, hardly ever resemble relationships in real life. For example, take the last 3 movies I've seen: *Please Note: Spoiler Alert*

1) Drive. Ryan Gosling will do anything to keep his love, Carey Mulligan, safe. Including killing people and smashing a man's skull in with his foot. That is extreme love.

2) No Strings Attached. A movie about people having casual sex that amazingly turns into true love.

3) The Princess Bride. Buttercup is cruel to farm boy, Westley, but he loves her regardless. Also, their love endures years of separation. And he comes back from the dead for her.

Pretty unrealistic portrayals of love, right? But occasionally, a movie comes around that feels so real.

The Story of Us

[From Cinema.com]

Such an amazing movie. When I watched this with my dad, he cried. And later, when I watched it with Mr. Pin Cushion, after we'd been together for a while, we both cried. It's hard to watch because the movie does such an amazing job of showing the difficulties of relationships.

500 Days of Summer

[From Flixster.com]

Ugh. The sequences in this movie that show expectations versus reality are brilliant. Brilliant because I have had the same thoughts go through my head a thousand times. You hope and expect a situation to go a certain way, and reality never quite matches that expectation.

The Break-Up

[From ProdigalFilmStudent.wordpress.com]

Though this movie is definitely an extreme, it shows how hard and difficult and ridiculous relationship fighting can be. When watching this, I so clearly identified with Jennifer Aniston's character and could not see how anyone could side with Vince Vaughn. And though Mr. PC thought that Mr. Vaughn was 'kind of an a-hole' he also was completely disgusted by how Ms. Aniston acts throughout the movie as well.

I think the division in this movie comes down to one interaction between the two main characters, when Brooke is angry that Gary didn't wash the dishes after a dinner party--

Brooke: I don't want you to wash the dishes, I want you to want to do the dishes!

Gary: Why would I want to wash the dishes?

Right there. I understand Brooke completely. And Mr. PC understands Gary completely. Genius.

What relationship movies are your favorite? Which do you connect with the most?

I'd love to add your recommendations to my Netflix queue.

(Also, have you seen The Break-Up? Who did you side with in the movie?)

Relationship Behaviors Round 2

Back by popular demand (and, let's be honest, my own curiosity), here's more relationship behavior questions. (To find out how the hive behaves in the shower, bathroom and bed, see the first post.)

[From Larry Busacca/Getty Images; Mike Coppola/Getty Images; Michael Buckner/Getty images via Eonline]

1. If someone were to hack into your phone right now, could naked photos of yourself be found and posted on the internet?

A) Yes, thank goodness I'm not a celebrity.

B) No way!

C) Well, maybe not right now. But if it were hacked at another time, that's another story . . .

[From Uncyclopedia.com]

2. When you and your partner fight, is there yelling involved? (Question courtesy of Sugar Bee Janie-Janie)

A) No, neither of us yell (in which case, I ask you-how do you manage that?? Seriously, please tell me in the comments)

B) Yes, we both usually end up injuring our vocal cords

C) I'm a yeller but my partner is not

D) My partner's a yeller but I am not

[From RedEnvelope.com; bowls and mugs]

3. Do you call each other by their name or a nickname/term of endearment? (Question posed by Melissa)

A) We use our real names almost exclusively

B) A little of both, depending on the circumstance

C) We almost always call each other by a nickname

3B) If you answered B or C above (i.e., you use nicknames), are any of the nicknames the same ones you used in a prior relationship?

3C) Please share your nicknames in the comments, if you're not embarrassed!

[From ThisIsYourConscience.com]

4) Before drifting off to sleep, do you and your partner snuggle?

A) Always; we're the snuggliest couple on the block

B) We snuggle for a bit and then roll our separate ways when it's actually time to go to sleep.

C) Hardly at all

I'll share my answers with the hope that everyone feels comfortable joining me!

1) B. Pretty much (could be C, but it would be if someone hacked into my phone for like 5 minutes, and only at like 2 specific times, ever). I'm just wondering if I'm totally out of the loop, as it seems that every celebrity that has their phone hacked has naked photos of themselves.

2) B. We are yellers. Sadly.

3) C, we use nicknames almost always. So much so that it sounds weird when Mr. Pin Cushion uses my real name.

3B) We were essentially relationship virgins before dating, so this question is moot.

3C) Our names aren't too original. We nearly always call each other "babe" (makes me feel like the Kristin Wiig-Jason Sudeikis A-hole characters on SNL). I also call him "chump" and "my love" but always go back to "babe".

4) C. Once again, sadly. I think the answers here might be correlated with i) length of living together or ii) length of relationship. We've been together a LONG time and used to always snuggle. And now, we either go to bed at different times, or I pass out while reading. But also, it's just not as comfortable to snuggle. Maybe we're just getting old, but my neck hurts and Mr. PC says it hurts his shoulder.

I'm pumped to see the poll results and read everyone's comments.

Relationship Behaviors

I'm always curious about other people's relationships. And not just the big stuff, like do you fight or not (I want to know that too though), but the details. I think that's why I like watching certain reality TV shows (cough cough . . . Kardashians)-to try to get a glimpse into the nitty gritty, albeit silly, aspects of how other people behave in relationships.

I would be tickled if you would indulge me in your own relationships. Let's get a peek into how the hive behaves in their relationships.

{From FitSugar.com and SheKnows.com}

When eating dinner at home with your partner, do you:
A) Eat at your dining table most of the time
B) Eat on your couch in front of your television most of time
C) Split your dinners between couch and table
D) Other ie eat while sitting on the floor or enjoy dinner while standing up at the kitchen counter

{From DrownedinSound.com and Pollsb.com}

When going to the restroom at home, do you:
A) Always close the bathroom door
B) Sometimes close the bathroom door
C) I always close the door, but my partner has no boundaries and will come in anyway
D) Other. Please divulge in the comments!

{From Design Sponge: Kelly Teasley and Nina Gotlieb's bathrooms}

How often do you shower with your partner?
A) Nearly 100% of the time
B) When we're both home and awake
C) Rarely
D) Never

{Sodahead.com and Walyou.com}

Do you sleep on the same side of the bed every night, even when on vacation? (I think "yes" is going to win by a landslide, but I'm curious).
A) Yes
B) No
(On a side note, I found a lot of talk online about men sleeping on the side of the bed next to the door. Has anyone found this pattern in their life?)


Since I am asking for you to divulge information about your relationship behaviors (albeit anonymously), I'll share my answers with you.
1) Answer B. Mr. Pin Cushion and I eat more of our dinners in front of the television than I wish to admit. Our dining table is usually covered with either piles of papers that I don't know how to organize or craft projects or other goodies (and by goodies, I mean piles of junk I just dragged from my car after work and have yet to put away).
2) Answer A. I don't know if it's the way we were raised, or what, but we always always keep the bathroom door shut. And the odd thing is, I'm a nurse and have seen just about every bathroom behavior imaginable.
3) Answer B. Whenever one of us is getting in the shower, we always ask if the other is going to join us. It's fun. Plus, how else are you going to wash that unreachable middle part of your back?
4) Answer B. I always sleep on the right, and he always sleeps on the left. And in regards to who sleeps next to the door, in our case, I do. (I guess it's up to me to fight off any zombies or burglars who come into our bedroom.)

What other questions do you have about how people behave in relationships? I'd love to do another post if there are more burning questions!